i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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