The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
