Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
