Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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