You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize