there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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