Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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