cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
