i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
