I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
