omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
