Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
