i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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