i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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