you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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