u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
