she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
