Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
