i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
