Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
