She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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