I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
