oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
