I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
