don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize