At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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