I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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