Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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