He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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