pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
