You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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