I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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