Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize