why didn't you poke me back
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
