I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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