I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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