yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
