I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
