You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
