i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
