Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
