I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
