So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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