Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248) I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet http://tfl.nu/r3zv
  Replies (4) Good night (1266) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera. http://tfl.nu/u22v
  Replies (28) Good night (737) Bad night (2329)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting. http://tfl.nu/kj58
  Replies (11) Good night (607) Bad night (3491)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months http://tfl.nu/y63w
  Replies (20) Good night (4336) Bad night (1242)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating. http://tfl.nu/qged
  Replies (19) Good night (5700) Bad night (1623)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate. http://tfl.nu/mnoh
  Replies (9) Good night (757) Bad night (4036)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, its January.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We're going to do the voices too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots. (303): Dude, its January. (970): We're going to do the voices too. http://tfl.nu/k3gb
  Replies (13) Good night (5366) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond http://tfl.nu/umuj
  Replies (19) Good night (2452) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind. http://tfl.nu/2oc1
  Replies (8) Good night (2966) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac. (843): I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary. http://tfl.nu/0c6s
  Replies (3) Good night (1312) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe. http://tfl.nu/whvh
  Replies (9) Good night (1927) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER http://tfl.nu/2v94
  Replies (6) Good night (668) Bad night (1421)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight. (1-617): Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it. http://tfl.nu/ikoi
  Replies (7) Good night (1690) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude. (727): I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.' http://tfl.nu/bvh3
  Replies (2) Good night (817) Bad night (250)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world. http://tfl.nu/aaq7
  Replies (2) Good night (295) Bad night (423)

Randomize