Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!

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(202): Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER! http://tfl.nu/jion

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates

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(978): If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates http://tfl.nu/qzzm

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012

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(732): I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012 http://tfl.nu/8oo2

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?

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(901): I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that? http://tfl.nu/6l8j

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.

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(270): I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/gibq

Replies (12) Good night (1107) Bad night (4874)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.

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(203): our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation. http://tfl.nu/5n6h

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(913): View more from Kansas

It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.

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(913): It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide. http://tfl.nu/jrdr

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(214): View more from Texas

So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.

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(214): So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5. http://tfl.nu/y0zl

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(513): View more from Ohio

Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.

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(513): Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything. http://tfl.nu/e1ys

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(315): View more from New York

Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...

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(315): Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime... http://tfl.nu/v3a6

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(705): View more from Ontario

just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...

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(705): just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer... http://tfl.nu/qk4d

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.

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(828): I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since. http://tfl.nu/iexd

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(775): View more from Nevada

He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless

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(775): He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless http://tfl.nu/uuhp

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(925): View more from California

I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great

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(925): I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great http://tfl.nu/slai

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(646): View more from New York

Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!

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(646): Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth! http://tfl.nu/4hup

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