she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC