We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.