theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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