Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize