Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
