I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
