today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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