Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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