just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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