Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
