Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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