How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
