WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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