woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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