Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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