have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
