Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
