Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
